Oh! Justice jumped, spilling the two hundred year-old cabernet all over his ratty clothes. Yknow what we got here, fellas?
The other two looked at him. He was grinning like a fool, strings of diamonds draped over his neck and clothes dark with the wine.
We done confiscated the kings music box!
Music box? Burgess arched a brow.
Saw it on the Web-waves. Reaching a grubby hand out, Justice touched the glass. Its old. Worth millions, I reckon.
Citizen ran a hand over his chin. The rings on his fingers glistened. Worth more than the crown jewels themselves?
Not sure, but its worth lots. And hell, anythingll help the revlution. Justice nudged Burgess with a knowing elbow. Eh?
But Burgess was staring into the dome. There was a boy inside, sitting on a small patch of marble. A violin lay beside him. The childs eyes held such sadness, it hurt to look at him. How old you say? He asked absently.
Well, from the twenty-third centry at least. Justice was nodding. They made im look older though. Costume and all, he pointed to the elaborate waistcoat, the lace at the boys neck and sleeves.
Citizen leaned forward eagerly, a hungry expression on his face. Dont suppose we could take a listen . . .
Dont see why not. Justice shrugged. He stepped forward and gave the gilded base a kick. Come on now, play you bloody thing.
The boy got slowly to his feet. He tucked the violin beneath his chin and raised its bow in his hand. He began to play.
At first they heard nothing. Then, gradually, they began to notice a low rumbling. The air filled with a sound, the most delicate thing imaginable. The men stood staring in awe, listening.
Hows it work? Citizen whispered.
Hes makin the glass vibrate from inside . . . Justice whispered back. Thats what were hearin. Like a bell or somethin.
Its beautiful.
But Burgess was weeping, big fat tears rolling silently down his cheeks. He couldnt bear it. Taking up the bar theyd used to pry the boxs case open, he swung it at the dome.
There was an explosive clatter. Shards of glass shot everywhere. Justice and Citizen stood there, mouths agape. Whatd you do?!
The boy stared too, then dropped to the ground. Burgess went to him, held him up, watched as he began to age rapidly before their eyes. The skin of his face crinkled like old paper. But he was smiling, the violin still clasped in his shriveled hand. Merci, he whispered. Merci.














Devious Comments
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98% of all teenagers are bad at math. If you're one of the 5% who are good at it, paste this into your signature.
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98% of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% that hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
It also begs several questions about the boy, and about art. Did he say thank you because he finally got a chance to play for someone, or because he was freed from having to? The whole piece is very thought provoking, rather like a Hemmingway story. He's one of my favorites, by the way, in the short story department, so that's definitely a compliment.
Your sense of exposition is exactly what I'd look for in a piece. It tells just enough, and elegantly so.
There are some slight details that I would tighten up and fix, for example, for some reason I'm not such a fan of the phrase "Soul-shattering clatter"... something about the rhyme and the rhythm didn't work for me there. But most of these are infinitesimal details like that... although in a piece this short, that can make a difference.
Overall, very beautiful, thought provoking, and solid all the way through.
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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
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~jamberry-song - words and whispers, the poet's eye on the universe.
*jamberry - elves, knights and nature, the artist's half of the brain.
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~jamberry-song - words and whispers, the poet's eye on the universe.
*jamberry - elves, knights and nature, the artist's half of the brain.
--
I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
--
I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.
~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
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